Reasons and Midnight Vigils
by N.E.Desperado
Summary: And even if he survives he knows somehow he'll never be going home. And oh, how he hopes he's wrong, but he's too old, too young, too everything  and if he wasn't much of an outsider before he knows he will be now .


_A/N: I wrote this as a stream-of-conciousness piece; the flow is intentionally long-winded and distracted. Other than that, feel free to comment/constructively criticize as you see fit =] PS: I do realize that Link comes off as pretty OOC, but I always thought it'd be fun to write him as a realistic kid. And I mean, what kid would want to be thrown into the kind of mess he was in?_

Reasons and Midnight Vigils

He was sitting under a tree in the middle of nowhere, sword and shield at the ready, wide awake even though he knew it was close to midnight and tomorrow he was supposed to finally get Epona from Lon Lon Ranch (and he'd probably run into some enemy or another, and being tired would undoubtedly compromise his reflexes).

But he couldn't. He was pondering an issue that he'd put off thinking about for some time now, mostly because it seemed trivial in the grand scheme of things. Now however, as he was staring up at the stars and absentmindedly listening to crickets and the gurgling of a nearby stream, it resurfaced.

Why the hell was he doing this?

He was a child, in mentality if not in body thanks to this sword that was probably bigger than he'd been a few months (years?) ago. He had no experience with killing these creatures, no prior knowledge of fighting tooth and nail until he'd painstakingly _forced_ himself to learn. Thinking of it now, Link could come up with at least ten different people who were more suited to his perilous ordeal, people who wouldn't die in the attempt like he was starting to think (dread, know) he would.

He'd been thrown into this. Met a princess and when she disappeared everyone expected him to become the Hero of Time and save her from Gan-whatever. Because of some stupid flute-thing that he got as a gift, he was out in the cold twirling a dead piece of grass between his fingers. Before this whole thing, Link had liked music as much as the next person.

He didn't think he'd like it much anymore after this (if he lived, because he had to add that after every thought now).

So he sat under this tree and he called himself a dumbass because the real reason he'd left home seemed so trivial and selfish now, and that this journey was caused by it was a fact that would never get written down in history, because saving the princess and beating the villain (if he even _could_) would obviously be more memorable. But with his current mood, he didn't mind admitting it to himself; all those years (months?) ago, Link had gotten tired of his home. Tired of the forest, the people, the green wherever he looked, those annoying kids who always played that flute-thingy on their porches, Saria bugging him. He'd been dying to get out of there, wanted to be _free_ and not in the way he had been because that way he couldn't age, couldn't _leave_. And he wanted to just get up and go _so badly_.

So when that giant talking tree (and why the hell was it talking anyway?) told him he was a hero, and that he needed to go out and be brave and courageous and for heaven's sake _not die_, he did.

Now he's sitting under this tree (he's pretty sure it's an oak by now) with only the sky to see him and he realizes he was (is) an idiot. Because now he misses when everything was green and someone was always sitting out on their front porch playing an ocarina (because he _has_ to know the _name_ now) and Saria was his best friend that used to drag him into the woods to find new fields where they played at being warriors against invisible enemies and had no idea that they'd be all too real soon enough. And it's all his fault. And he wishes that he'd never gone into that tree and kicked that weird spider-thing's ass, because after that everything changed and somehow he's pretty sure that was his doing too (because dammit, all this prophecy stuff has gotten him believing in destiny now too). And right about now he's thinking he just wants to _go home_, because he hasn't had Kokiri-made blackberry pie in _months_ (sometimes years) and he thinks that now he'll be able to impress people by playing an ocarina while sitting on _his_ ladder.

And he thinks that sure, he'd feel really bad about letting the bad guy get away and god-knows-what happen to the princess (and the world) but _dammit_ he still _feels_ like a kid and he knows he's not supposed to have the world on his shoulders and he wants so desperately to throw the burden away.

…But he doesn't. Because he's the Hero of Time – but he's not doing this for responsibility's sake anymore, because every time he just wants to crawl back home (or under a rock, really, any place would be better than here, knowing he'll be attacked by re-animated skeletons at any moment) something in himself, in the very fiber of his being, stops him. So he mutinously thinks those thought even though he knows he'll never say (or act on) them and everyone who hears about him will think oh, what a brave young boy (young man?) And that's true because he figures that by now he's pretty much grown up enough to be called a man (even if he doesn't look it). And even if he survives he knows somehow he'll never be going home. And oh, how he hopes he's wrong, but he's too old, too young, too everything, and if he wasn't much of an outsider before he knows he will be now.

So while he's fiddling with a blade of grass and watching the wind blow through the tree's branches, he finally tells himself the truth. He, Link (Hero of Time, potential Maiden-Rescuer, and will-be Horse-Owner), is homeless, and the irony makes him laugh despite himself because he knows that if he survives he'll know plenty of good places to _live_, even if they aren't the one that he wants. And right when he finishes that thought he hears a cackle and in an instant he's standing up, shield and sword held aloft and he's poised to kill that damn skeleton before it gets even three feet away this time, because he's working on improving his accuracy.

It's dead from two feet because he fumbled a bit with his first swing, but it's ok— because this fight he wasn't injured at all, and he's maybe learned a bit more for the next time. And with adrenaline still coursing through him he thinks wryly that he'll have a home in the barracks of his choice when this is over. And for that one sentence, he forgets to add the 'if'.


End file.
